A Year In Review: What I Learnt in 2015

Hello, it's me.

I've been trying to write this post since early December but have struggled so hard to put into words what I want to say.

Basically, 2015 was a weird year for me.

It was weird in the sense that I felt like I was in limbo the entire time, neither moving forwards towards a definable goal nor slipping backwards into the withdrawn anti-social high-school version of myself. Oftentimes, I'd feel like I was watching myself from a distance - going to work, attending events, interacting with people - just going the motions of Being Cynthia. But it just felt weird and off and forced and I can't explain it.

I keep telling people it was because I started the year off on such a high with the Thailand trip. (Side note: ATYAP was amazing but it needs to come with a warning label informing people of the apathy towards life that it makes you feel post-trip). And it is mostly true. In Thailand, I felt alive and I felt driven. Then I came back and it was like someone had told me "Jokes, you're actually a Muggle!" after I'd spent an entire year at Hogwarts.

But the weirdness might've also been due to 2015 being a bit of a letdown after the amazing year I'd had in 2014. Last year, I'd tried so many new things and met so many new people - it'd kind of overshadowed a whole bunch of unpleasant thoughts about my future and its woeful lack of direction. This year made me confront this fact again. And it was...not great.

It wasn't all bad though. I spent most of the year working and even though it meant I had less time to do the things I wanted to do, I did get the chance to work in one of the greatest and friendliest teams in my job at The Co-op.

I also went to Tasmania for the first time and saw one of my cousins get married, went on BSS camp, took a trip down to Melbourne and had one of the best 21sts anyone could wish for. I am grateful and lucky and I really should learn to appreciate this year more.

So to recap, what are some of the main things I've taken away from 2015?

1. Be grateful for the people in your life now

Because new people will come into your life and others will drift away and that's normal. Of course, you should make an effort to stay in touch with people but with some, it can be an effort in futility and you'll end up exhausting no-one but yourself. So make the most of now and don't take it too personally later on if you don't hang out as much. Plus with the best of them, it doesn't matter if you bump into them again two or six years from now - you'll still catch up like no time has passed.

2. Don't compare yourself to others

Because comparison leads to discontent and unhappiness. Hence why Facebook makes everyone feel depressed.

3. If you're going to do it, do it well

I should really follow my own advice, especially this one. As I said, this year for me was all about being apathetic; apathetic in my assignments, apathetic in bigger projects I'm undertaking (not that there were many). I realise I need to try harder and become more invested. It's not enough to just turn up and expect that that's half the work done - you really need to  invest some effort and think of the bigger picture.

4. Accept that life is all about the ups and downs

Just because this year was a bit anti-climactic doesn't mean it's set a precedent for coming years (I'm only 21 for god's sake - why am I sounding so jaded??). I'll be travelling next year and studying overseas. Maybe that's why I've been in limbo? Because I know that life will be bigger, better and more colourful next year.

A Tasmanian Wedding

I like Tasmania. It's quiet, but in a quaint and refreshing sort of way (not the soul-draining, desolate emptiness that is the Canberra wasteland. Seriously though, the only redeeming quality about that place is the $2.50 alcohol - which you'd need if you were to live in the ACT). I recently went down to Hobart for my cousin's wedding and despite the constant sense of dread that accompanied me on the trip (a by-product of having every single assessment due the following week), I had a pretty great time. Would definitely recommend for anyone who's looking for a short, picturesque getaway but is too poor to go to New Zealand (i.e. me).

I went down with my cousins, their partners and my uncle and aunt. We spent about three days there and I think it was more than enough time to really see Hobart. I would like to go back down again though to do some hiking. Apparently there is a place called Wineglass Bay which gets its name from the blood that used to stain the sand from whaling operations. Unfortunate name but hey, I hear it's stunning (plus they haven't killed any whales since the 1850s so it's all cool).

The highlight of the trip (apart from the actual wedding) was definitely The Museum of Old and New Art (MONA). I love museums. I love art galleries. And I love strange things (and I know my cousins do too). So we had to go. A bit of trivia - courtesy of Professor Wikipedia - MONA is the the largest privately funded museum in Australia and has been described as a "subversive adult Disneyland". Tian said that the first collections evolved around death and sex but it has since expanded to include other things.

After paying the entrance fee (be prepared to fork out $20 AUD - it is a private museum after all), you descend down a seeming endless flight of spiral stairs - or maybe that's just my lack of fitness speaking up - till you get to the very bottom. After collecting a headset and iPhone-like gadget thing, you basically work your way back up through the different levels of the museum.

Yes, those were live fish. 

The outside of the museum's just as quirky as the inside

Tasmania in a nutshell

And oh, there's a peacock too, because why not?

Day 2 was the day of the wedding. We didn't have to be anywhere till the afternoon though so we spent the morning hanging out at the Saturday Salamanca Markets. I like looking at all the weird things they sell at markets but at the end of the day, the only thing I end up spending money on is food. And it wasn't any different here. Funnily enough, we also bumped into some other guests of the wedding here. Hey, I did say Tasmania was small.

We then got back to the hotel and started getting ready for the wedding.

Here's Tian and I, looking all sexified and stuff

So after using all my battery power taking artsy fartsy vineyard photos (btw that's my cousin up there and she's single fyi), I had no juice left for the actual wedding. Which was probably a blessing in disguise because it meant I got to enjoy the ceremony without any distractions. Actually no, that's a lie because it was windy as hell and my eyelashes were falling off my face and I was slowly but surely freezing to death in my dress and also in danger of getting quagmired as my heels sunk into the ground.

But everything aside, it really was a beautiful ceremony. Congratulations Shi-Nan and Damian! May you grow old and happy together and have freakishly intelligent kids who will give my own children (once I get around to having them) inferiority complexes; my cousin's a doctor and Damian's an accountant.

Afterwards, there was food, dancing and champagne. Side note: my Uncle is the most enthusiastic dancer ever. He practically murdered that dance floor.

The phone was briefly revived to take a photo of this glorious dessert

The next morning, we and the rest of the extended family gathered in the Botanical Gardens to have a post-wedding picnic. Woo! Nature! Green things! Hayfever!

Teehee

It was a nice way to end the trip and again, congratulate Shi-Nan and Damian on their new life together. 

21 and Onwards

So a couple of things have happened since I last posted (oh about a month ago or something). I turned 21 and realised a couple of things:

• No magical age fairy visits you on your 21st to bestow upon you any new skills or wisdom
• I am still terribly inept at "adult-ing"
• And the only reason a 21st needs to be celebrated here in Australia is so that people pay for your drinks the entire night...which is enough reason, really. 

You'll be glad to know that it didn't rain on the day of the party though. The weather gods probably read my last post and were so impressed by my A+ use of the Martin Freeman gif that they decided to cut me some slack. Here are some pictures to prove that the BBQ didn't turn into a sandy sludge-fest.

Nancy in this makes it my favourite photo

In all seriousness though, that was probably one of the best days of my year, despite all the stress that happened in its lead-up. I have to admit that I was worried about how everyone would get along, considering I'd invited people from all different social groups but I'd clearly underestimated the social bonding potential that is beach volleyball and BBQ food.

I also celebrated on the actual day of my birthday by going to high tea with my cousin. By the way guys, high tea is fucking amazing. I was a bit sceptical before I went, thinking that tiny cakes would do nothing for my appetite but the one I went to at the QVB Tearoom was really generous with their sandwiches and pastries.

I also spent a couple of days in Canberra for a Mock United Nations conference where I talked about cross-border sex trafficking on behalf of Nepal. Now that was a huge learning experience. I don't really have the energy to go into the specifics of that weekend and all the stuff I got up to but I will say that it was an intense couple of days (emotionally and physically). There was also a particular talk on refugees that I went to that had a lasting impact on me but I feel like that experience deserves its own blog post.  

Again, please have some photos to compensate for my lack of recounting. 

Canberra itself is uh...nice. It's small and there isn't terribly much to do but it's...nice.

I've also been working very hard to procrastinate as much as is possible without crossing the line into actually failing my assessments. It's that time of the semester where I've a got a million and one things due and the willpower to do absolute none of them. So I've been to the beach, had catch-up dinners with friends, done some other uni things, spent some fun nights out and watched unhealthy amounts of YouTube in these last few weeks. Not that that's necessarily a change in routine for me though.

Anyway, so that's what I've been up to these last couple of weeks when I'm not at the daily grind. There's been some other stuff going on in my life but I think that's better saved for actual face-to-face conversation. So hit me up if y'all free. I'm always up for anything that doesn't involve writing essays or studying for my next language exam.

Raining on my Parade

There is too much stress involved in planning your own birthday party. Especially when it's your 21st. And it's at a beach. And the weather forecast looks something like this:

Hey at least it's not thunderstorming right? Well my friend just sent me this:

How about no.

If I was ever to do some sun worshipping, this would be the time. I would take up yoga if I had to (despite being grossly inflexible) and if it meant the temperature would go up by even a couple of degrees, I would begin offering up human hearts to Huitzilopochtli.

Have you ever tried to have a beach bbq in not-so-great weather? I have - and it's not fun. No one wants to go in the water, y'all try to huddle up like penguins under the shelter (if there is any) and there somehow ends up being about 5 litres of sand in your food.

Speaking of food, I haven't yet figured out what I'll be offering. Meat would probably be a good start, especially since it's - I dunno - a beach bbq. Then I should probably have healthy green things...and carbs (because I'm Asian and food isn't food unless it's got carbs).

But back to the weather. Because everything's fucked if the weather sucks. And the universe is laughing at me because we have had amazing weather this past week with highs of 24 and 25 degrees. It's like they're tempting me with what could be before taking it away and making me watch as they crush all my hopes and dreams under their cruel, cruel, feet. It's totally going to be sunny and warm- LOL JK HAVE SOME THUNDER BOOM CLAP. 

I'd also feel terrible if I had to move the date because that would obviously screw up people's plans. I mean, I personally hate it when I've reserved the date for something but the plans end up falling through. Not to mention that I've taken two days off work next week to organise my shit. But if it rains, I might have to postpone. Sigh.

Cheer up Cynthia. There are more important things to worry about in life.

Odds & Ends #6

Roses are red, violets are blue, I've neglected my blog, but that's nothing new...

I would blame it on my social life...but that would be a lie. Mostly, I've just been spending way too many hours of my life at work or at university...studying. Wait no, that's a lie as well. Honestly, I've been so tired lately that I've just taken to sitting passively in lectures hoping to absorb content from my mere presence alone - like some sort of weird plant cell undergoing educational osmosis. 

1. Roses are red, violets are blue, I went on camp and forgot my shampoo

And pyjama pants...and hairbrush...and snacks... and basically everything that I'd reminded myself to bring.

But in exchange I found mafia buddies, fellow arsonists and nature explorers. So it wasn't too bad of a trade-off.

2. Roses are red, violets are blue, check out this fucking amazing Californian dance crew

If you had to watch one YouTube video today, and only one, you might as well make it this one. Hell, if you had to watch one YouTube video this month, I would still recommend this one. It is so chockablock full of talent and passion that it is guaranteed to make you feel incompetent and unfulfilled in life.

It's the winning performance from one of the most prestigious dance competitions in the world. What makes it amazing is that it's not merely dance, but also storytelling, innovation and theatricality. Also, it's set to the remixed version of Matt Corby's "Brother". So therefore it can't possibly suck.

3. Roses are red, violets are blue, your procrastination potential seriously just grew

Because I figured out how to get WhatsApp on your computer. And it takes like 10 seconds to set up. All you have to do is go to this link , open up the app on your phone, scan a QR code and BAM, you have just learnt how to be even less focused in class than you were before.

4. Roses are red, violets are blue, guess what I managed to push myself through? 

That's right - the City2Surf. And believe it or not, I actually managed to have fun while doing it. I mean, considering how I only had one training session beforehand (and by training sess, I mean Jacinta and I went for a walk in the park), I'm surprised by how much of it I actually ran.

Afterwards, I went down to the beach to join the rest of the UTS team at our marquee for free food and massages. Everyone ended up just chilling there for a couple of hours and it was probably the most accomplished I'd felt in a long time. Then Monday happened and I realised that everything hurt and I couldn't move.

5. Roses are red, violets are blue, guess whose opal card finally came through? 

And it is the bomb diggity. No longer do us UTS students have to feel inferior in this aspect to UNSW and USYD students. We have opal cards! The University of Technology Sydney finally has access to the contactless ticketing system that everyone else had been using since last year. Good stuff.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, Ex Machina deserves every positive review

(Source)

It's about a robot called Ava who has artificial intelligence. A young programmer named Caleb is tasked with testing her out and he does this by observing and interacting with her. I don't want to say anymore so just watch the trailer:

I have difficulty faulting anything about this movie. The acting was spot on (especially from Alicia Vikander, the actress who plays the robot) and it is without a doubt one of the more visually stunning films I've seen this year. I also like a movie with twists, and this certainly had that.


6. Roses are red, violets are blue, there are always people more talented than you.

Yeah I know, I've been watching a lot of dance videos lately. I'm not sure why. Call it my latest YouTube fetish but I just can't seem to stop.

Anyway this video is great and the choreographer, Lia Kim, is a goddess so you should watch it.

7. Roses are red, violets are blue, $3 coffee at UTS? Woohoo!

And it's actually good coffee as well. Check out the new cafe in Building 7 and you'll be able to track down this $3 coffee. It's still a bit of a hidden secret but I popped in yesterday and a line was already starting to form at 8:45am. My suggestion? Get in there quick if you want to beat all the other coffee-deprived communication students.

A Little Taste of Melbourne

In light of all the Facebook photos of university students gallivanting across Europe on Contiki tours (Hi Mik) and/or trekking it out across South-East Asia, this post might fall a little short in terms of the Grand Mid-Year Adventure. Unless you count an expanding waistline from all the Melbourne cafe food, I can't claim to have grown very much as a person. But then again, that wasn't the point of the trip was it? We flew down to Melbourne purely for the food and shopping - and that we certainly accomplished. Just ask my very cleared-out, newly empty, sad-looking wallet.

Core Memories Part I

I went to see the new Pixar movie, Inside Out, with a bunch of friends last Tuesday and afterwards, while D&M-ing over Harbourside kebabs, we got into a discussion about our very own "core memories".

For those who haven't seen the movie, core memories are described in the film as memories which have a significant influence on the shaping of one's personality. They're kind of like the lightbulb moments of a person's life  - the key drivers of Riley's primary traits and values in Inside Out. I love that the movie was able to physically depict these aspects of a person's mental processes, and in a way that made so much more sense than my entire two years of senior high school English study combined. How many hours did I spend during the HSC trying to explain (in needlessly convoluted paragraphs) how relationships and experiences shape and individual's sense of belonging when I could have just said "Obviously we've all got personality islands which are powered by glowing memory balls". Bam. Band 6 right there. Would you like me to draw you a diagram as well, Board of Studies? 

Anyhow, back to the original topic at hand - after the movie, I spent the train ride home with nothing better to do than to mull over my own core memories. Which resulted in this very word vomit-y post. 

Core Memory 1: Friendship & Family Island

As cheesy as it sounds (and it sounds suuuuper cheesy...like Dominos Triple Cheese cheesy), I think everyone has, to some extent, some sort of Family or Friendship island. I know there are people out there who haven't had the financial/emotional support that I've received from my family and in those cases, their friends have acted as the base in life. And there's nothing wrong with that. 

Trying to narrow it down to a specific memory is a little bit harder, but I think I managed to sum it up perfectly in that post on childhood from a while back.

I grew up surrounded by these weirdos. We rode bikes together, built blanket tents together, suffered through head lice and chickenpox together (illness was something of a package deal with us six, much to the consternation of our parents). Sometimes we made each other cry but then held grudges that lasted all of 0.5 days so it was fine. I think we take each other for granted but then again, what do you expect when you've known someone for 16-20 years? We can't get away from each other even if we wanted to.  

As for Family, well they put up with me and all my shit so they win all the things. 

Core Memory 2: Books & Knowledge 

I might not look like it now (or maybe I do, who knows) but I used to be a massive nerd/bookworm. I devour books the same way Bruce Bogtrotter devours chocolate cake in Matilda. Dad used to take me to Whitlam library every second Friday afternoon to borrow books and I would come out of there with six or seven books every time. So I basically read three or four books a week throughout my primary and high school years.

I had a really awesome librarian at my first primary school who I would say was another one of the people who set me on the path to a love of all things literature. As a class, we used to have to do those weekly library sessions where you go in with your handmade tote bag and personalised bookmark to borrow whatever was on the approved list of children's literature. During one of these sessions, the school librarian sat us all down to convince us to read some of the books from the Book of the Year shortlist. She brought out a book called Dragonkeeper by Australian author Carole Wilkinson and was in the middle of explaining what it was about when I - being the young Hermione Granger that I was back then - put my hand up to say that I'd already read it.

Yes, I was an extremely obnoxious child.

Anyway, the librarian (I've since forgotten her name) kind of studied me for a little bit and then went back to her explanation. Afterwards, when all the other kids were running around fighting over Saddle Club books, she took me aside and asked me what my name was. I thought I was in trouble for interrupting her but instead, she led me to the library's back room and showed me her shelf of novels which still hadn't been laminated. These were the books which had either come in very recently from the publisher and were still awaiting teacher's approval, or were deemed too controversial for younger audiences. She picked one off the shelf, gave it to me and told me to tell her what I thought of it the following week. And then she did the same the week after, and the week after that. So that was how I graduated from Andy Griffith's Just Disgusting books to a steady diet of challenging, thought-provoking novels as recommended by my primary school librarian.

Thanks to her, I read everything from epic fantasy stories to old time classics. I was introduced to themes of friendship, oppression and conflict and I became addicted to stories. Everything she made me read was amazing and my 10-year-old self couldn't get enough.

I wish I could say I held on to these high standards throughout the years but then Twilight happened in 2005 and let's not talk about that. 

To Be Continued....