It's all a bit fragmented...

Everyone's been posting really profound stuff lately - i.e. reflections on life, university, relationships, happiness, etc. Meanwhile, my posts have been nothing but fluff. Really, they're about as deep as a Twilight movie. It's not that I haven't been thinking about these things (in fact, they that take up permanent residence in my brain without my consent) but verbalizing them is hard. It's much easier to muse over a thought than it is to write something out. Especially when writing seems to attribute these thoughts some sort of terrifying permanency or validity. 

But before I get to all that, have some pictures of my Newtown/USYD morning adventure with Chin-gu 1 and 2. (See what I did there? I totally just snuck some Korean into my blog post. Gotta get some practice in before Septebmer.) We ate breakfast at a cafe which may or may not be called 'MilkBar' and once again, I attempted to take close-up hipster shots of the food and various tabletop adornments. The old man at the other table was judging me so hard. But it's okay - my Asian-ness partially excuses such behaviour. 

From the University of Sydney, you get to see a prime example of juxtaposition at work. Behold the ugliest building in Sydney (UTS) next to the fairest (The Living Mall). It's kind of like when I have to stand next to my sister and tolerate the tackiness she brings into my space.   

Coffee is strange. Sometimes it affects me, sometimes it doesn't. Today, the caffeine kicked in while I was in language class and I was practically vibrating in my chair. I probably could've run up all twenty-seven floors of the UTS tower if I wanted to. My friend worriedly thought I should get some food into me before I spontaneously combusted from all the excess energy.

Before we saw Nancy off to class, the three of us sat on the grass, talked and listened to the 'Kiss Me' cover by The Fray which I saw on Lyanna's tumblr a few days ago. (Beautiful rendition by the way - y'all should check it out). We watched the SRC campaigners harass everyone but us and well, it was nice just to sit there and soak it all up. Hanging out with people outside of uni is so therapeutic sometimes. *LAME ANALOGY ALERT* but sometimes I feel like a rechargeable Duracell battery and instead of electricity, it's companionship that gives me energy. Oh wow, that was totally cheesy.

 I had a lot to think about today. Some of it was during my walk back from USYD to UTS when I was wondering what life would be like if I'd enrolled at this university and pursued something like law or nursing instead of communications. It's funny because a few years ago my whole life - no, my whole existence revolved around high school and the whole learning/studying experience. That was what I had to do. The ATAR was my end goal, no questions asked. In a sense, the predictability was comforting and like a lot of people who graduate from year 12, I spent the first half of university trying (and failing) to regain that sense of groundedness and stability in my life. 

For people who don't do courses that require intense face-to-face contact hours, it's really easy to feel as if university isn't a significant aspect of your life. You spend a lot of time kind of flailing about in the dark, looking for something to grab hold of and to act as your constant in life - like the role high school had occupied during your teenage years. And if you've got a job, internships or other extracurricular activities, you start to realise that there isn't a constant and you've just got to deal with a reality that is just very segmented. 

In a way, it feels liberating. University is important but it's not the be all end all (not for my course anyway). I've got a life outside of it, be it working, travelling, gaining experience or putting effort into the relationships that matter to me (because I never did enough of this during high school and it is my one true regret). 

On the other hand, it is also a burden because you're never 100% sure about what you're doing, where this path leads and whether it is the path you're supposed to be on. I never did well with choices. I hated those 'choose your own adventure books' as a kid. I'd much rather prefer it if someone told me that this was the right path and I should be working hard at subject X to get from point A to point B to achieve result C. 

There was a point to this post but I think I may have lost it somewhere between the fourth and fifth paragraph....

Anyhow, at this exact point in time, I think I'm mostly okay with what I'm doing and how my life is unfolding (even though the end point is still extremely fuzzy). Accepting that things change and pieces get shuffled around is all part of growing up. Your values and goals are always shifting and I think we should all accept this and try the best we can to figure out what needs to be done now. That's probably the main thing I've learnt in the past year.

Ugh, writing this hurt my brain. I need to go watch or read something trashy to get my mind back to normal. 

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